LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
