i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
