We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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