Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
