He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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