It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
