i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your penis caused this!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
