I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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