Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
