I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
