I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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