you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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