Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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