Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
