Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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