I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
