So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My boob is missing a layer of skin
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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