my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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