I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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