Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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