omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
