you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
