Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
