He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
