Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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