mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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