He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
