my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize