At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
