I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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