I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
