Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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