508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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