Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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