I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
