I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
