I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
