i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize