doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
