Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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