i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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