So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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