Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well you can't waste a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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