i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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