I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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