I can tuck mytits in my pants
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
