He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
