My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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