I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
