His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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