I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
