I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
