fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
