Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
