Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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