I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
