Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
