Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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