This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
