I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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