I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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