so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
