whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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