two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
