She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
