ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
