Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
