I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
