I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
