So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He better not be in your backpack
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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