Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
