i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
