Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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