Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
