i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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