It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
