Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sober January is a disaster.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
