Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Come on in and take your pants off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
