So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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