So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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